So here we go with another Wynonna Earp recap. For those of you not in the know, I am a hardcore longtime fangirl. It’s a side I haven’t displayed too much over here (though you will find posts on how to survive a zombie apocalypse floating around out there that I’ve done), but I’m now cross-pollinating platforms.
You can find my Fangirl Friday posts at the blog I co-admin, Women and Words and a fangirl podcast I do with colleague and fellow spec fic writer Lise Mactague on the Lesbian Talk Show Channel. That show is Lez Geek Out! and I just interviewed awesome steampunk author Gail Carriger.
Okay, with that out of the way, let’s dive into this recap of this totally off the chain WTF OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED recap of “She Ain’t Right,” episode 2.04 of Wynonna Earp.
And, standard operating procedure: THERE ARE SPOILERS! OMG SO MANY SPOILERS! FOR REALZ!!!!! YIKES! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE EPISODE AND PLAN ON DOING SO! SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!
There. You were warned. Let’s go.
So what we’ve got going on here is a continued unfolding of a few different plotlines. We saw that Dolls is back (last episode 2.03) and that he clearly sees something’s up with Waverly. Dolls, however, is in need of whatever weird drug that is that keeps his inner monster at bay. We now know that Doc and Rosita are hard at work in the basement of Shorty’s trying to develop this drug but they’re not quite there yet. We also know that something fucked-up happened to Mercedes because one of the final scenes in last week’s episode showed one of those creepy Dementor-ish creatures putting its hand in her mouth. OMG. And we know that Tucker is a total douche and probably would be a serial killer if given the chance. We’re also dealing with Gooverly trying to take over Waverly, and it seems that it’s starting to take more of a hold on her. Plus, Wynonna is still stressed about Dolls.
This episode features a silver briefcase that a Black Badge agent is murdered for. The case apparently belonged to Edwin Earp, so the evil people who killed the BB agent want Wynonna and Waverly to tell them the combo to open it. But it’s also got more Gooverly and Dolls. And shit gets so totally cray…
SO. Episode 2.04 opens with melancholy music and Waverly walking outside the Earpstead in some creepy way (she’s in Gooverly mode).
It is butt-ass cold weather and she has a knife and she finds Dolls’ dogtags. Wynonna comes flinging out of the house with Waverly’s coat, but at this point, she is starting to think that Nicole might be right, and that there’s something up with our beloved Waves. Waverly clearly seems to think so, too, because she clearly doesn’t know how she got outside or what the hell, so she posits that she might’ve been sleepwalking to which Wynonna wisecracks, “you couldn’t have developed this fun new habit in July?” And Waverly stifles a sob and Wynonna is all concerned and a little freaked out. Waves slips Dolls’ dogtags into her coat pocket without telling big sis and then she goes back into the house, but yep. Wynonna knows something’s up.
Cut to a quick shot of the barn for a glimpse of Dolls struggling so we know Gooverly didn’t off him.
In the next scene, the BB agent with his silver briefcase goes into a café in Purgatory, asks the young woman at the counter for the bathroom (she gives him a key) and then he grabs a croissant and goes into a back room. Immediately after another creepy white guy comes in along with someone who looks like she could be Lucato’s far scarier sister. The new guy is clearly a creepy villain because he’s wearing black leather gloves and he goes up to the woman at the counter and she is freakin’ scared when he tells her, “you know what I want” and she gestures with her head in the direction the first guy (our BB agent) went.
But the BB agent is ready in the pool room and busts a pool cue across the creepy woman who goes down. Creepy guy is not pleased and demands the case, which is handcuffed to the agent. Creepy woman starts freaking growling in a scary demonic way and she pins BB agent to the pool table while creepy dude takes one of his gloves off and then there’s screaming and blood on the wall and we’re pretty sure what happened to that agent, since creepy guy and the woman he calls “Cujo” leave the café with the case. And the dude’s hand still cuffed to it.
So clearly there is something way important in this here case.
Meanwhile, Wynonna and Waves and Jeremy are hanging out at BB Central (Nedley’s station) talking –Wynonna is expounding on the term “assholery” when Lucato shows up and says, “I got something.” To which Wynonna responds, “There’s a cream for that” which in turn sends me onto the floor laughing my ass off. Anyway, Lucato has heard about the BB agent and the case and she wants to know what’s up with that so she needs to do an op. Waves totally volunteers, because she’s been looking into “spy schools,” much to Wynonna’s big sisterly OH HELL NO chagrin. It’s ostensibly just a surveillance op. And there’ll be backup. But this is Wynonna Earp, and you know shit ain’t ever easy and nothing is “just” an op. But Wynonna acquiesces, though she is NOT happy about it.
Cut to Doc and Rosita breaking bad in the basement of Shorty’s. They’re still not having much luck with the drugs for Dolls, but they sure look good labbing it up:
And there’s a little bit of sparkage between these two down there in the lab. Hmm…
Back to Nedley central…Wynonna and Nicole have a moment of sorts in the station kitchenette over a really crappy looking pizza Nicole is making for lunch (and I’ll have you know there are some delicious gluten-free pizzas out there, Ms. Haught! Tweet me and I’ll tell you which ones).
Wynonna admits that yeah, something’s freaky with Waverly. It’s really nice to see these two actually talk in a mutually concerned way, about a woman they both love. Wynonna tells Nicole about the “sleepwalking” incident and Nicole is clearly shocked and upset. Then the convo moves to more mundane things, like why the hell Wynonna can’t find a damn spoon and Nicole comments that all the cutlery has gone missing at which point Wynonna pulls a butter knife out of the coat she’s wearing and Nicole says, “YOU?” And Wynonna says, “Waverly.” She’s wearing Waves’s coat. She then checks the other pocket and ZOMG there are Dolls’ dog tags so yeah, she bails on out of there like demon-gooed bats from Purgatory and rushes back to the Earpstead barn where she finds Dolls who is clearly not himself, what with his glowing lizard-ish eyes and how he circles her like he’s freaking SMELLING HER.
“Okay, we clearly need to come up with a secret handshake,” Wynonna says, “because this greeting sucks.” Dolls picks her up and throws her onto a bale of hay and she pulls out Peacemaker, which starts glowing near Dolls. Dammit! Then he seems to snap out of it for a second but to no avail so Wynonna lays him out with the butt of Peacemaker. She grabs a wheelbarrow to get his ass out to her truck and uncovers Waverly’s stash of shiny goodies.
Par for this course, she seems to think as we cut over to the nightclub Waverly has to infiltrate for Lucato. Which is named — and I am not making this up — Ba-Ding Ba-Ding. Because of course it is. Waves is casing the joint in a back hallway about to start checking offices for the briefcase when OMG Cujo finds her and is all, “you’re late. VIP performance. Go sing.”
You heard it here, friends. Waverly has to go full-on smoky nightclub singer, but not until we see Wynonna getting Dolls to Shorty’s basement for his drugs.
And it just occurred to me that there is all kinds of wrong with that statement. It’s a good thing we know these are pharmaceuticals designed to keep people from going full-on demon/monster and not, say, some sort of illicit black-market sorts of drugs…
Wynonna tells Dolls that he’ll come through this, and even if he’s a lizard or a salamander or whatever, they’ll get a terrarium for him.
omg I can’t…
So they decide to bring Jeremy in on the scheme because Doc figures he might know the recipe for demon dope. And Dolls, for his part, manages to warn Wynonna about Waves, which makes us all think back to the title of this episode, “She Ain’t Right.”
But then we have to go find out what’s up with Mercedes. And seriously, shit is not right here, either. She’s sitting at a table eating bacon and thinking it’s the best thing ever. Tucker shows up but Mercedes isn’t treating him like usual and tells him he needs to try the bacon. He’s like, “huh.” And he asks her “Where’s Beth?” And Mercedes says, “She’s putting on her face.” REMEMBER THAT BECAUSE IT IS NASTY-ASS FORESHADOWING. Tucker is all, “why didn’t you stick up for me with that ginger cop…”
OMG HE CALLED NICOLE “that ginger cop.” WTF. Mercedes is not having his attitude, young man, and blows him off. He storms out and in the background we hear a bunch of horrible screams and Mercedes just keeps on munching that bacon. And AGAIN we think of the title of this episode because Mercedes definitely ain’t right.
We’re back at Nedley Central where Wynonna asks Jeremy where the location is that Lucato sent Waverly and Jeremy notices that she smells like ammonia and clementine and he tears Waves’ jacket off her and flings it on the floor and it erupts into flame. He stamps it out and Wynonna is all, “YOU CAN START FIRES WITH YOUR MIND????” And he’s all, no, you can’t mix that with polyester!
So Jeremy gets all stoked because he figures out they found Dolls and he loves Dolls who helped him with a few things so Wynonna invites him into Dolls Club and Jeremy tells her that Waverly is at Ba-Ding Ba-Doing Doing or whatever the hell it is. Wynonna heads there while Jeremy heads on over to Shorty’s.
And Waves is gettin’ ready to do some soft singin’ on stage. She finds her groove when Black Gloves Guy comes in with the case and another guy who appears to be interested in maybe purchasing said case…? Waves goes over and puts her singin’ swerve on Black Gloves Guy who is sort of amused but not really and then he leaves and Waves finishes her song but in the meantime, here she is in nightclub gear (you’re welcome)
She finishes her song and goes down the back stairs to see if she can find Black Gloves Guy and the buyer. She hears them and parks herself outside the room where the deal is going down, but Black Gloves Guy wants more money (and holy shit how much must Cujo work out…look at her arms…) and the buyer is all, okay, but Black Gloves Guy is a douche and shoots him dead. OH NOEZ! Waverly implements the DANGER DANGER phrase with Lucato (“Tacos are tasty” and omg laughing in spite of it all) but we cut to Lucato in her big fancy SUV thing and Wynonna jerks the door open and is all, WTF WHERE IS WAVERLY and Lucato tries to explain, she heard a gunshot and Wynonna tells her she’s going in and to call backup and that’s when she realizes there is NO BACKUP because Lucato is rambling about how she’s been blackballed from BB and Wynonna is having none of this shit and she punches Lucato and tells her THAT IS MY SISTER, BITCH (direct quote) and if anything happens to her, she’s putting one shot between Lucato’s eyes.
BOOM! Wynonna is now in full-on Wynonna mode and my friends, SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET SO FUCKING REAL.
Wynonna sneaks into Ba-Ding Dong and finds Waverly in the downstairs hallway with the dead guy. She tells her it’s time to go but Waverly is all, we can’t because Creepy Black Gloves Guy and Cujo come out of the room Waves had staked out, guns drawn, and another hired gun shows up at the other end of the corridor. HOLY SHITBALLS, Y’ALL! Sure enough, the Earp sisters now have to deal with Black Gloves Guy while tied to chairs. Basically, he wants the combo to open the case, but neither of them have ever seen the damn case so they don’t know what the hell the combo could be, though they do figure out that it probably belonged to Edwin Earp, given the “EE” initials on it and all. Neither gives up that idea, though, so Black Gloves Guy and his shitbird posse leave to go “get his tools,” leaving Wynonna and Waverly alone.
Wynonna is trying to get the ropes loose on her wrists so she can get her phone and then Waverly tells her that this is all her (Waverly’s) fault, and that something’s wrong with her. She says she’s got memory gaps and the sleepwalking incident and the says it all started at the arch when Willa crossed the boundary and there was a perfect puddle of goo and it called to her and she touched it and that’s when the weirdness started.
Whew. Glad THAT’S finally out in the open. Wynonna manages to get her phone out but it flings over by Waverly so Waverly uses her spike heel to activate Siri. And there’s a hilarious bit here about Siri. And while our heroines are dealing with that crap, Doc and Dolls are having a little moment of bromance after Doc chained Doc up in case of that whole I CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF lizard stuff. Also, Dolls was helped by that mysterious Juan Carlo. Pretty sure that’ll come up in a later episode, hmmm?
But ta-da, Doc’s phone is blowing up with calls from Wynonna (or rather, Siri and Waverly’s spike heel), and he knows something’s freaky, so he bails and we swing on over to Nedley Central where just-shy-of-serial-killer Tucker comes in to talk to Nicole. eeew. He says his sisters are acting weird and then says Waverly is acting weird, which is probably why Nicole is so angry and Nicole’s all, bitch, pleez get yer ass out of here and he’s all, if OUR (WHAT? “OUR”????) Waverly is a threat to the town…blah blah blah you’ll stop treating me like a bad person…creepy weird expression…if you know what’s good for you…WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST THREATEN NICOLE…and then he leaves. Thank GAWD.
This freakin’ town is just full of assholes.
Speaking of, back in Ba-dongalong, Black Gloves Guy is no longer playing and he puts Waverly face-down on a table and puts her hand in a vise and then TAKES HIS GLOVE OFF to reveal…
HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THIS INSANE BACKWARD WOLVERINE CRAZY? He uses this thing like a blade. It cuts and saws and it’s pretty freakin’ gross all around. But omg Wynonna is losing her shit about this, rightfully so, and she finally gets out of her ropes but Cujo slams her against this chainlink fence (because of course some damn nightclub would have a chainlink fence in its basement) and Wynonna is fucking frantic, she’ll get the combo somehow, please don’t hurt Waverly but Black Gloves guy doesn’t believe her and OH MY GOD HE CHOPS WAVERLY’S HAND OFF NO NONONONONONONONONOOOOOOO
YOU GUYS I CAN’T EVEN I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL
I…I CAN’T…OMG EMILY ANDRAS, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????
Cue all the really awful macabre jokes on Twitter about queer women losing their hands (yes, that happened; I’m sure they were just trying to cope).
Black Gloves Guy demands the damn combo (which the Earp sisters clearly do not have) and THANK GAWD THE CAVALRY ARRIVES in the form of Doc Holliday! THANK GAWD DOC IS HERE and in the shoot-out he gets a new hat (he just wasn’t the same without). In the ruckus Doc stirs up, Wynonna takes down Cujo momentarily then gets Waverly off the table and omg it is so awful, hearing how much pain she’s in. Black Gloves Guy wrapped a towel around…well, where her hand used to be and there’s blood on it and it’s all sorts of messed up. On their way out of Ba-dingaling, Black Gloves Guy shows up again and for reasons unknown, he shoots Cujo, who was coming up behind the Earp sisters. AGAIN with the combination demands. Waverly is having none of it and even in her truncated state (oh, lord, see what I did there), she kicks him in the junk, which is clearly located where most dudes’ junk is because he keels over and they race on out of there.
You guys. At this point, the Twitterz were ablaze with PLEASE LET THE DEMON GOO FIX WAVERLY’S HAND.
But first, we have to deal with Dolls. Jeremy is explaining to Rosita what the dosage should be and then she tries to put her swerve on him (Rosita, seriously? Do you need a date or something?) which we all know is not going to work out because Jeremy only has eyes for the dudes. And then Rosita is all “ha ha just trying to coerce you to get lattes from down the street.” Hmm. Seems suspicious. What is HER deal? Leaving her alone with Dolls…hmmm…
Waves and Wynonna are making their way out of Ba-doodoo while Jeremy is latte-hunting and there are bodies everywhere and Black Gloves Guy appears because he’s like the damn Terminator and he just.won’t.quit. but HA HA joke’s on HIM because Doc nails him from behind — wait. That sounds SO wrong for the circumstances. Doc stabs him and the blade comes out the front of Black Gloves Guy’s chest. HA HA SUCK IT SERVES YOU RIGHT NOW CUT OFF HIS HANDS — ahem. He does go down swinging, though. Bet he wouldn’t without hands.
Doc is of course horrified that Waverly’s hand is gone but we now have to go see Rosita being all freaking weird and skanky and teasing Dolls with the demon dope syringe. What IS her deal? I mean, she did seem to have an aversion to law enforcement, but…really? Dolls totally breaks one of his chains and he grabs the syringe and injects it into his arm. Uh-oh. Jeremy wasn’t sure about the dosage…somehow, Dolls tells Rosita to run because oh, noez, somethin’ is about to bust loose in Dolls and indeed his eyes go all lizard-y and this time his damn head starts to glow.
Back at Ba-derpderp Doc is tending to Waverly who he endearingly calls “little darlin'” and makes me melt a little and Wynonna is running around with an ice bucket and she’s going to get Waverly’s hand to put it on ice because “modern medicine, Doc!” BUT! As Wynonna is running around all frantic telling Waverly she’ll play piano again, Gooverly makes a quick appearance and then disappears and Waverly takes the bloody towel off her hand and OMG IT’S BACK SHE HAS A NEW HAND LET US ALL RAISE UP OUR OWN HANDS IN CELEBRATION even though it was the demon goo that did it.
Wynonna is all, where the hell is your hand and I saw him cut it off and Doc is thinking Wynonna might be losing her mind and maybe she didn’t really see that, maybe it didn’t happen and everybody is very confused because Waverly doesn’t even realize that she was hurt, since Gooverly was busy regenerating a limb and all.
It takes a lot of focus to do that, regenerate limbs and all.
Wynonna and Doc go back to Shorty’s where they find Rosita trying to block the door to the basement with a slot machine because Dolls is down there mutating. But then Black Gloves Guy bursts in with Jeremy as a hostage. He’s walking around with the blade still in his back and he demands the case and Peacemaker or people start dying. So Wynonna agrees (WUT) and puts the case and Peacemaker on the pool table when BOOM Dolls busts out of the basement, all lizard-eyed and glowing but guys, guess what????
We don’t need a terrarium because Dolls IS A DAMN DRAGON!
He totes fries Black Gloves Guy and then snaps out of it and is Dolls again, though he needs a drink of water. OMG does this mean the demon dope allows him to access his powers and then become Dolls again???? We shall see, I suppose. And this reaction was pretty much what everybody in the Earpdom did:
And yay! Dolls is back! Big hug to Wynonna, bonding moment with Doc, and then Fried Guy starts cackling that “Something is coming” and Wynonna totally throws Game of Thrones at him and says, “Yeah. Winter. I got the memo.”
Fried guy continues laughing about how they’re not ready for what’s coming and Wynonna puts him down with Peacemaker.
But, you guys. We have to go visit “Mercedes” now.
Tucker shows up and Mercedes is so glad to see him and he’s weirded out because he was going to pack and leave but Mercedes is all, why? “You’re too dark and angry” and basically, she and “Beth” (his other “sister”) want to “nurture” that. Mercedes opens a door to a study, I guess, and there are two bodies moving on the floor making little groans of pain and you guys, omg, you know that’s the real Mercedes and Beth AND THEY WERE FREAKING SKINNED AND THEY’RE STILL ALIVE. “We’re your sisters now,” Mercedes says and Tucker is the reason these two dementors chose his sisters, because he’s all dark and angry. A new world is coming, Beth says and they need his help and they’ll give him anything. And of course, what does he want?
And we can all guess which one…
eeew. And his reaction to his skinned actual sisters…omg, you guys. I can’t even. Pretty unfazed and he smiles that he’ll get anything he wants.
Back at the Earpstead, Wynonna and Waverly get the case open using Edwin Earp’s birthdate as the combo and…there’s a plate inside. One of those commemorative kinds. WTF. Then Wynonna brings up Gooverly and Waverly totally shifts into Gooverly and complains about how strong Waverly is fighting her off, and she’s exhausted, especially regenerating a human hand. She’s not having any fun, she complains, and she plants a big ol’ kiss on Wynonna and YOU GUYS THE GOO TRANSFERS TO WYNONNA. It’s all smoky, but it is a full-on transfer.
Waverly collapses but Wynonna is all Wygoona now! And she can no longer hold Peacemaker because DEMON and the last line of this show is, as she hovers over Waverly, “what are we going to do with you…”
This episode…holy crap.
Prolly won’t do a recap next week, friends, because I’m on the road at a conference. But I’ll post some links to other recaps because I love me some Wynonna Earp.