Wynonna Earp Recap, 2.03, “Gonna Getcha Good”

So I’m going to be doing some recapping here, in accordance with my fangirling which seems to have taken a turn for the MOAR over the past year or two. Maybe it’s my next childhood. Or still existing one. Who knows. Regardless, let’s talk Wynonna Earp.

And you guys.

This is the opening scene of episode 3, season 2 and you are welcome.

Let us all raise our hands in praise and thankfulness to Emison, who posted it.

Best line:

Nicole Haught, after watching the cheerleading routine: “Baby, that’s EVERYBODY’S thing.”

Okay, so yeah, I’m recapping late in the game. It hit me after episode 2 last week that I’d like to do some recapping so here we go.

And omg, there are so many spoilers. If you have not seen the episode, STOP READING NOW AND GO GET SOME WHISKEY AND DONUTS AND WATCH THE EPISODE FIRST.


So it’s HOMECOMING, when Purgatory is flooded not only by demons but also Wynonna’s former classmates. Who, come to think of it, are also demons of a sort. We’re still Dolls-less and Doc is still doing whatever weird business thing he’s got going on with mixologist Rosita at Shorty’s. Lucato was a no-show this episode, fortunately, and Wynonna is having a hard time dealing without Dolls, but we get to see some old Wynonna sparkage this episode. And Jeremy helps out with the investigation because, remember, we’re having potential demon overload in Purgatory because of the battle with the tentacle monster and Willa last season. However, Wynonna still thinks Jeremy is in Lucato’s back pocket (and he’s so smol and cute he would probably fit), so when he asks her whether Dolls has tried to contact her, she’s all, oh, hellz no, “snitches get stitches!” Which had ME in stitches.

This episode has a focus on Waverly/Gooverly (<–whoever coined that term, you are a freakin’ genius) and the tension building between her and Nicole, who has a totally shit day. This episode is about her, too. She’s still irked about not getting in on the Black Badge coolness, though Waverly thought she was doing her a solid by saving her from the whole blood oath thing and getting possibly all killed by Black Badge douchebags. And Nicole is irritated that she has to save the town from drunks and public urinators during homecoming when she knows there’s weird shit afoot and her girlfriend gets to be part of the Mystery Machine and eat Scooby SnacksTM (which is totes possible; the goomonster seems to eat just about anything) and do secret paranormal investigations.

Plus, Officer Haughtness senses something is not right with Waverly and she’s concerned, but Wynonna is being her usual prickly self and is being overprotective of Waverly and won’t engage with Nicole. And Waves, as Gooverly (remember, she’s been hijacked by leftover tentacle goo), is starting to express the gooness in even weirder ways.

Gooverly prefers wearing lipstick on the inside.

It’s like she’s been possessed by a demon magpie or something because as Gooverly, she’s collecting all manner of shiny objects and doing weird shit like eating lipstick (and, last week, taking a bite out of dead arachnid demon). AND we find out this episode that Waverly doesn’t know when Gooverly takes over, because she didn’t remember Wynonna handing her the lipstick (which she then ate after Wynonna left). And also, Waverly is all out of sorts because she’s not even sure she’s an Earp.

So the episode opens with Waverly doing her cheerleader routine because Homecoming. Waverly puts on that Blue Devils outfit and holy hell it is, in fact, EVERYBODY’S thing when she waves those pom-poms. The expression on Nicole’s face pretty much sums it up. Because we ALL had this expression on our faces:

And somehow the hotness of this has burned off the length of my hair…

Waverly is all about giving Nicole a “private show” but Wynonna of course bursts in just as Waves is doing a kick and the comic timing of that scene was amazing because Wynonna is all, “GIRL put on some underwear! Just…passin’ through. You guys can resume your panty-less role play…”

That’s the sisterly snark/banter we all know and love.

But there’s not much time for sisterly banter because oh, noez, another demon is running loose in Purgatory and this one looks like the bastard stepchild of Batman villain Scarecrow.

HI, NEIGHBOR! I recommend a nice Chianti with your liver!

“Burlap Jack,” as Wynonna calls him in one instance, literally has a burlap bag over his head with some weird crap moving around underneath. The demon (a Marzanoik) first shows up in the high school where one of the members of the champion 2007 hockey team is looking at the trophy in the case and yowza, the demon makes this poor sucker literally reach into his own body with his own hand and tear out his own damn liver.

Which brings Team Nedley/Nicole and Wynonna to the crime scene (Wynonna of course eating a donut, which made my freaking week). What is this madness, with this hockey-jersey-wearin’ former classmate of Wynonna’s lying on the floor without a liver? And of course Wynonna continues to irritate the fuck out of Nicole, who is trying to do serious policework while Wynonna chomps the donut and snaps photos of former classmate, nickname “B-Train”, with her phone.

At least Wynonna has one friend — realtor Mercedes, who is sort of Team Wynonna and is also a Homecoming organizer of some sort or at least stepping into the role. She notices that former classmate Perry seems to have some sexy-time vibes for Wynonna, and he gets her number from Mercedes but what the hell are we supposed to think about Perry when after he calls Wynonna and asks her out on a date he’s basically doing his own version of Fatal Attraction with a rabbit in his hotel room?

A little bit of basil, maybe some oregano…

Before Wynonna goes on her date-ish with Perry, she’s trying to get a read on the whole sitch because she knows something’s hinky about B-Train’s death and Doc is still acting a bit aloof and he seems to have eyes on Rosita, which makes her cranky. And then another classmate, drunk off his ass, tries to tear his own liver out and Wynonna sees the burlap guy and manages to drive him away, but shit is gettin’ real again in Purgs.

Meanwhile, Waverly puts her swerve on Nicole at the high school while Officer Haughtness is on duty during Homecoming festivities, which makes for a super-tense and awkward moment between WayHaught, especially when creepy townie Tucker starts filming it and being super douchebro — and he was also snapping photos of other teenage girls — which causes Nicole to lose her shit and arrest the fuck out of him and drag his ass down to the county hoosegow, though Nedley is all, Nicole, WTF? Calm down! The med kit needs restocking. Bringing another epic response from our fave Purgatory law enforcer: “Did I hit my head and wake up in patriarchal bullshit land?” But Nedley insists she get on with that and paperwork, and then Wynonna comes by and Nicole tries to talk to her about whether Waverly is “acting strangely” which brings prickly-ness from Wynonna and just adds to Nicole’s crankiness.

Wynonna leaves and heads back to the Earpstead where Waves and Doc are and then Perry shows up and tells them that he’s actually trying to help his former classmates because the deep dark secret about the 2007 championship hockey team is that some of the team made a deal with the demon to win, but in 10 years he would come calling for payment. Which apparently is them tearing out their own livers or some other body part — later on, another classmate tears his own eyes out, leaving Perry and another guy as the last men standing.

And can I just include for awesome this screenshot of Waves and Wynonna answering the door at the Earpstead? It turns out to be Perry, but they’re ready for a rumble. I love me some Earp sisters.

We’ve got this.

Anyway, after the chat with Perry, Wynonna figures out the hockey trophy has some kind of power over the demon, but Doc wants to keep the demon alive to try to make a deal to save Dolls, and Wynonna agrees, somewhat reluctantly, and goes to the high school to get the trophy and all the douchebro hockey guys are there and they were shitty to her in the past, so they’re shitty to her now. But Wynonna opens a can of whup-ass on them and lays a few out, much to Mercedes’ delight (swear, she’s got some hots for our heroine…). Basically, Wynonna did some payback for all the shit she got in high school and she grabs that trophy and struts on out of that high school with the biggest grin and the best middle finger EVER. Immortalized here and in the banner above:


Meanwhile, creepy Tucker confronts Waverly and disses her for the whole gay thing — wut. But Gooverly takes over because why the hell not? And Gooverly grabs Tucker by his scrawny creepy neck and lifts his sorry ass up above the snow-ridden sidewalk and then…gets distracted by his shiny bracelet which she grabs off his wrist and drops him but he’s got PLANS or something in his pointed creepy head. This dude is trouble. Keep an eye on him, Earpers.

And back at Nedley Central, Nicole is still having a really bad day because she’s got Perry’s drunk buddy locked up and he’s freaking out because ermahgerd Burlap Jack is gonna come for him and he knows it and Nicole is frustrated and irritated and is all, “WHATEVER” and then, shit, Burlap Jack DOES show up and flings Nicole all over hell and gone. And all of Twitter exploded with WTF NICOLE OMG ARE YOU OKAY.

Because clearly this ain’t right. Fortunately, Doc shows up and shoots Burlap Jack, throwing him off his game and then Wynonna arrives, too, with Perry, who tries to be a hero and take down the demon himself. Which totally doesn’t work so Wynonna confronts BJ with her demon-killin’ gun but rather than shoot him, she remembers that it might be a good idea to save him to help Dolls and he seems to plead for mercy so instead she traps him in the hockey trophy. Because reasons. And why not.

So now we’ve got demon-in-the-hockey-trophy, Perry has not tried to rip his own liver out, and in one of the coolest scenes, Nedley and Nicole have a heart-to-heart and he tells her, basically, that some day he expects her to be sheriff of this nutbag town in which everybody pretends nothing’s weird. All the feelz, friends. All the feelz.

“Nicole, basically, nobody wants to admit the bucket of fuck that is this town and I’d sure appreciate it if you’d stick around…”

Whew. But we’re not done yet. We’ve got to spin some other plots!

Cut to Mercedes’ house. She’s Tucker’s older sister (YIKES) and she’s telling him and their other creepy sister to basically STFU and leave Wynonna alone and quit being dicks and Tucker throws a tantrum and tells her he hates her and storms out of the room leaving Mercedes with a much more pleasant bottle of wine.

Also, remember in episode 1 of this season in the Black Badge warehouse when that gloved hand reached out of the box and set off the dynamite? Well. a dark veiled-ish creature with that gloved hand shows up behind Mercedes, literally hooks a finger in her mouth, and…well, it sure looked like it might have jerked her head around and snapped her neck. Which will bum me out to no end because I was kind of liking Mercedes.

Not the dental appointment she had in mind…

Then we end up back at Shorty’s with Wynonna and Waves having a moment and talking about the sitch. Wynonna expresses some regret about being douchey to Nicole and Waves says she’ll take care of it, but she needs her lipstick back (completely not realizing that Gooverly ate it) and Wynonna is all, “I gave it back to you.”

Wait. You ate, it Waves.

But then we all realize that Waverly does not know when Gooverly takes over. And then Waves kind of stares at the oh, so shiny trophy and Wynonna asks, “are you sure you’re okay?” Whereupon every single Earper in the social media universe Tweet-screams on one accord, “NO SHE IS NOT WYNONNA PLZ HELP HER KTHX!” and Waves dismisses Wynonna’s question and tells her to put the trophy “somewhere safe” so Wynonna goes downstairs to talk to Doc while Waverly/Gooverly promptly steals a shiny silver martini shaker off the Shorty’s counter while Wynonna discovers that Doc is trying to reverse engineer serum for Dolls, which leads to a really nice moment between Doc and Wynonna, bonding over Dolls and Doc, in his own way, is trying to do something good for Wynonna by helping Dolls.

Moar of those moments, plz. Kthx.

And finally, we’re back in the Earpstead barn and HOLY SHIT FRIENDS, DOLLS! DOLLS IS BACK! He’s managed to crawl into the barn where Gooverly is admiring her stash of shiny articles and COMPLETELY IGNORES DOLLS, who is in obvious need of help and he calls to her to help and she walks right past him, then turns and looks at him and the goo is DRIPPING OUT OF HER EYES AND THERE AREN’T ENOUGH TWITTER EMOJIS TO EXPRESS THE CRAY THAT WE ARE ALL EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW.


So this episode 3 seems to have served as a bridge for some plotlines (WayHaught/Gooverly, demons in Purgs) while also introducing some new ones (douchebro Tucker) and bringing back some others (Dolls!).

We shall see what goes down next week!

Over n’ out and don’t forget the whiskey!

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