Wynonna Earp recap 2.11: “Gone As a Girl Can Get,” or, the Wynonna Earp AU tragic fanfic episode

HEY, everybody! Welcome to another wild ride at the Earpstead and through Purgatory. Damn, y’all. DAMN with this episode.

Things continue to ramp up to super-cray as the season winds down. One more episode, friends, and then we all have to wait until Season 3!!!!


Knowing Andras, it’s going to be one hell of a cliffhanger.

Okay, per usual…


Okay. Here we go.

Last week Nicole was bitten by Widow Mercedes, and got to dying right quick because of the heinous-ness of the Widow venom. At the hospital, we find out that her next-of-kin is HER WIFE, Shae. But we also find out that Shae isn’t terrible and tells Waves that Nicole loves Waves like nobody’s business. Meanwhile, Waves is trying to figure out how to help Nicole. Widow Beth offers her a deal. Bring her the third seal (Doc’s ring) and she’ll help her out. Obvi, Waves doesn’t want to betray Wynonna, who is working with Dolls, Jeremy, and Rosita to find an anti-venom. Widow Mercedes kidnaps Sheriff Nedley because Wy entrusted him with Doc’s ring but Nedley doesn’t tell Mercedes anything. Wy and Doc have to find him, too.

Then we meet Greta, twin sister of dead Blacksmith Mattie, from S1. Greta is an Iron Witch and she tricks Waves into a bad deal to cure Nicole. Greta casts a spell that will ensure Waverly has to live without her sister, too, since that’s what happened to Greta when Mattie died. I pointed out it was a dumb spell, because what it did was it basically erased Wynonna from existence so that Waves didn’t even know her and had no pain that she lost her. That comes up in this episode, as we shall see. Doc, too, disappeared as a result of the spell, and he is back in the well. Yikes.

And basically, 2.11 is all about this alt-reality without Wynonna and trying to break Greta’s spell.

Things to ponder:

1. Now that the seal is broken, will Doc start dying of TB right away?
2. Will Wynonna get over her issues with Rosita?
3. Bobo’s back and he commented that Waverly’s lineage “isn’t exactly pure.” I’m thinking Bobo is not related to her, though Waves might think so. I wonder what the deal is there. Perhaps Andras will cliff-hang us with that in the season finale.
4. Interesting to see how one person — Wynonna in this case — can change so many things in a community. I loved how Doc realizes the influence she’s had in his life and with Dolls. Also, how the hell did Waves end up with Perry?
5. St. Jude psych ward needs better security.
6. Throughout this episode, it looked like Widow Mercedes’ borrowed face is failing. Wonder what she looks like underneath. Or maybe I don’t want to know.
7. How is it that Bobo is back? I’ve asked this question before, but I’m asking again since he’s now helping the Widows. I mean, what allowed him to escape from hell? Was it that Wynonna basically wasn’t breathing for a little over a minute and technically had “died”? I’m still leaning in that direction, that that’s what enabled him to come back.
8. I’m also still leaning toward the possibility that Waves herself has some supernatural-ness about her. But if this were the case — if she were a witch — wouldn’t Greta have recognized it in her? Huh.

Okay. Let’s go.

So the pre-credits scene is basically all hell breaking loose on the Earpstead which is no longer known as the Earp homestead. More on that in a bit. Nicole and Waverly are trying to work their way through a crowd of Revenants (because without Wynonna to send ’em back to hell, they’re running wild) to the barn. Nicole is being super badass with her gun, too. Just saying. Anyway, they go into the barn and there’s Jeremy and they’re surrounded outside by Revenants and Waves says she knows how to get Wynonna back, which obviously shows us that Waves, at least, has figured out that there is a Wynonna out there somewhere. And then the barn explodes. HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Roll opening credits, leaving us to wonder WTF.


So the first scene after the credits has Doc in the well screaming “WYNONNA.” And then his cell phone rings. It’s the Revenant Stevie, who calls him “boss,” which confuses Doc. Why would he be Stevie’s boss? Stevie implies that he’s been looking for something Doc told him to find and Doc is all, “get me out of here” and Stevie says, “Somethin’ wrong with that ladder?” because there’s a rope ladder in the well! Doc climbs out, still freaking out a bit (remember, he has an issue with enclosed spaces). Stevie asks Doc if he found it and Doc is still confused and says, “Peacemaker?” and Stevie says “No your ring.” Doc doesn’t give “two shits” about that ring and Stevie, now, is confused, and says that Doc slashed 8 of his guys over it. Doc then says to take him to the Earp homestead and Stevie stares at him and says that that name was banned on penalty of “ball-crushing death,” and that Doc himself issued the directive.

So clearly, it’s apparent we are now in an alt-reality (alt-Earpality?) and that Doc — OUR Doc — is aware that something isn’t right. So Greta’s spell didn’t affect him the way it did others. Keep that in mind.

The next scene has Stevie driving up with Doc to the Earp Homestead, which is now known as…

A guy opens the door for Doc and calls him “boss,” and again Doc is all, “boss?” But he errs on the side of caution and starts playing along, acting like his asshole self from back in the day. They hear gunshots coming from the barn and one of the Revenants says that “she’s at it again” and “you know how stubborn she is” and asks Doc if he “wants him to take care of her” and Doc might be thinking it’s Wynonna, and he growls, “get back to work” and goes into the barn where Rosita is shooting a wanted poster and “making product.” Apparently, Doc in this reality is a drug manufacturer. Doc tells her that Wynonna and the baby have been taken and he grabs Rosita’s arm and she slaps him and says that she told him that if he ever touched her again she’d “poison the lot of you.” Doc then sees that Rosita’s leg is literally shackled.

He asks her if he did this to her and she says he did, six months ago. Doc muses out loud that Greta’s spell made Wynonna disappear, like she didn’t even exist and Rosie is all, “who’s Wynonna?” and wants to know if he’s been snorting his own product. Doc realizes that without Wynonna in his life, he’s clearly a giant douche. He takes some keys out of his coat pocket that he had found in there after getting out of the well and uses them to unlock Rosie’s shackles, which shocks the hell out of her.

He asks her if she knows Waverly and Rosie says, “yeah, Waverly Gibson.” OMG I am already hating this reality. Doc asks about Dolls and Rosie says, “yeah, deputy marshal Dolls. He’ll shoot you on sight” which makes Doc comment that some things haven’t changed and he needs to speak with him immediately. Rosita tells him to bring backup and bails. Doc then finds what looks like explosives and says, “or something that will make him listen.”

We head over to Nedley Central where Mercedes is in some kind of glass cage and she, too, was not affected by Greta’s spell because she figures out that Wynonna has vanished and that “we’re free.” Dolls is trying to question her, but here’s MY question:

Mercedes is still looking rough and still clearly deteriorating from being wounded by Peacemaker. However, if Wynonna never existed, how is it that she’s still wounded? Inquiring minds! Perhaps because she’s not affected by Greta’s spell…? I’m going to assume that’s the issue.

Anyway, she’s not giving Dolls much info and Dolls, to our horror, is actually torturing her. He pushes this button on the outside of the glass cage and it causes her some kind of terrible pain. “Without her,” she gasps, “you all die.” And she means Wynonna, obviously, but of course nobody knows what she’s talking about given Greta’s spell. Dolls asks “who,” and Mercedes spits at the wall (it’s all bloody…eeew) and laughs maniacally. Dolls asks what’s going on, why all the creatures are in Purgatory and why they’re coming into the Ghost River Triangle and Jeremy wants to know why Mercedes has been destroying consecrated ground and of course, we all know it’s because of Clootie about to rise or whatever the hell it is he’s up to and Mercedes is very pleased about this. She starts singing some weird little song: “Sheriff Clootie we will raise…”

And then Doc walks in and both Jeremy and Dolls draw on him. It’s clear they only know the asshole Doc. Doc sees a scar on Dolls’ face and asks him about it and Dolls says Doc did it, and he can’t wait to return the favor. Doc opens his coat — he’s taped a bunch of explosives in there and says that if they shoot him, they all go up and Dolls is kind of matter-of-fact about it and says that he’s familiar with his work (explosives work, basically) and asks if he’s there to confess about the power plant, lumber yard, and Nedley’s house. HOLY SHIT. Which means Nedley is probably dead!!!!!!

And Doc is horrified and says, “Sheriff Nedley? No, I would NEVER–my God. Is this what we are without her?” Dolls looks puzzled and says, “Her?” and looks like he might actually be battling the spell for a moment. But then he becomes asshole Dolls again and asks if Doc is going to make a demand before he shoots that “compensating moustache” off his face. OMG YOU GUYS DOLLS TOTALLY DISSED THE ‘STACHE. Doc says he wants him to remember and then suddenly somebody hits Doc on the back of the head and knocks him out. You guys, it was NICOLE! She’s all glad to have him in custody and Jeremy wants to ask him questions but Dolls says to put him in with Mercedes. Jeremy points out she might eat him and Dolls says, “it’s like black widows in a jar, Jeremy. May the best bitch win.” And Mercedes is pretty stoked about this.

I really, really don’t like asshole Dolls. I guess that’s the point.

Next scene is Nicole at a desk in the main sheriff’s office demanding, with frustration, why the hell Lonnie isn’t using the right form, dammit. Don’t scratch out missing “person” and write “missing pug.” Use the “missing animals” forms! Lonnie comments that basically anybody who has an animal in Purgatory is bound to lose it, what with all the coyotes around and Nicole is all, “coyotes. Riiiiiiight.” Then she looks at a framed photo of Nedley on the wall and says she misses him and she’s trying her best.



Nicole then looks at her ol’ skool digital clock on her desk and it’s 11.59. She immediately grabs a tube of lipstick and puts some on, does a quick hair fix and then the clock turns to 12 noon and the mellow groove music starts up (for background music) and who should come in but Waverly and Nicole immediately gets heart eyes and THANK YOU JEEZIZ THAT THIS HAS NOT CHANGED ON NICOLE’S PART.

In alt-Purgatory, Nicole is SHERIFF Heart Eyes

OMG SO CUTE ALT-WAVES BROUGHT ALT-NICOLE LUNCH. We also find out that food isn’t selling much at Shorty’s, but Nicole notes that with Waves’ face on the new sign, that’ll bring ’em in…

continue Nicole heart eyes…

Even in alt-Purgatory, alt-Nicole is head over heels for Waves. But alt-Waves has not figured this out yet, that she is part of a very important ship that cannot sail until she does. DAMMIT. And then Waves says that she’s getting married and Nicole is all, “really?” And Waves, not very convincingly, says that yes, she’s really doing it this time, that it’s time, and then she asks if the sheriff’s office is also like DMV because she needs to change her name.

And, you guys, this is Nicole’s view as Waves is asking about this.

You’re welcome.

So Lonnie says no, but Nicole says yes and that she’ll take care of it and he needs to answer the phone as she gives him stabby eyes. OMG Alt-Nicole has it SO BAD for alt-Waves. And at least alt-Waves isn’t an asshole and neither, apparently, is alt-Nicole. Which makes me totes happy. Anyway, Nicole busts out the form and starts filling it out: “Waverly Gibson, born September 8th…” and Waves says, “you know my birthday?” and OMG you guys, Nicole with the guilty “BUSTED” look:

“Uh, yeah…guess I do…”

Waves then tells her a little-known fact, that her last name is actually “Earp” and that she was raised by an incredible woman named Gus Gibson. Nicole clearly didn’t know this (obviously didn’t come up in her crush-stalking LOL) and Waves makes a face about the name Earp and how it’s “such a curse.” Waves looks down at Nicole’s hand and notices her wedding band (WTF) and says that she likes it, that it’s simple and Nicole mutters, “the one thing marriage is not” and then she kind of looks puzzled and says, “why am I wearing this?” as if she’s realizing, somewhere in the back of her mind, that this reality is not the one she needs to be in. But you guys, look at the HANDS, here. LOOK AT THEM! EVEN IN ALT-PURGATORY, THERE IS LUUUURV HERE!

Nicole’s hand on the right, Waves’ on the left

Alt-Waves, you have it SO bad for alt-Nicole, too! You just haven’t figured it out, yet! Also, I’m totally going to think of these entwined hands with the wedding band as FORESHADOWING! HA!


Moving along…

Waves looks at the ring on her own hand and seems like she’s trying to convince herself that marrying whoever it is, is the right thing, and Nicole says, “as long as you believe it in your heart” (omg this convo for crush-addled Nicole…) and Waves says she feels like she’s running full speed toward a cliff terrified of jumping and Nicole says that if it’s right, you don’t think about the cliff, because you’re sure when you reach the edge you’ll fly. That totally gave me feelz, y’all.

And that totally gave alt-Waves heart eyes:

But then Lonnie ruins the moment and Waves gets a text and says, “Oh, he’s outside, gotta go,” referring probably to the dude she’s going to marry, leaving Nicole to give more stabby eyes to Lonnie.

Cut to Dolls’ rather icky torture chamber where Doc is in the glass cage with Mercedes. He’s trying to keep her away from him and she taunts him and then…I guess she’s trying to venomize him, but nothing comes out of her mouth and Doc realizes that she doesn’t have any more, so he does the same thing to her, which made me laugh, him making the same kind of venomizing noise and getting all up in her face with it.

Mercedes realizes that Doc sees “it,” too — meaning that they’re in an alt-reality. And Mercedes is not currently enamored with Beth. She literally refers to her as “that useless c-word of a sister.” YIKES. And she brings up the return of Clootie and the huge party they’re all going to have, as soon as Beth realizes she still needs Mercedes.

Then we go outside where Waves gives her alleged future husband, PERRY (OMG HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN) a peck on the cheek (though he was clearly expecting more).

Perry, dude, I’m sure you’re a perfectly nice guy, but she’s not that into you.

She wants to leave Purgatory bad and he tells her she’ll miss it when she’s gone. She talks about all the online courses she’s taking and how she wants to go to India and Spain and Perry says he wants to take her to those places, but he wants to make sure she’s ready, that they’ve been through this THREE TIMES, y’all! Three venues, three wedding dresses.

OMG alt-Waves! Snap out of it! Let the poor guy go and you go hook yourself up right now with alt-Nicole! She tells him she’s sorry, and says that something’s always missing and he says, “closure.” He tells her he hired a PI to look into the murders of her dad and sister Willa (so there you go — they’re dead even in alt-Purgatory) and that he didn’t want to tell her because he didn’t want to get her hopes up and YOU GUYS. Alt-Waves is PISSED like she was over the DNA test in real Purgatory! She tells him it’s an invasion of her privacy to do that without telling her. Even alt-Waves has issues with this.

And then she catches herself and says, “sorry. I don’t know where that came from.” But the rest of us do. It’s her elemental issue with it, and it’s still raw from Nicole and it’s seeping into alt-Waves and alt-Purgatory. Perry says the PI found the guy who killed Willa and their father, and that he was actually wandering around on the outskirts of Purgatory. Waves is all, “what are the odds?” And Perry says the guy’s been asking for her and says that he’s in St. Jude’s. Which is either a medical hospital or a psych facility…

The next scene takes us to what is presumably St. Jude’s and I deduce it’s a psych facility because anything that looks like a building from the early 20th century is most likely going to be a psych ward. The attendant asks Waves (great hat, Waves!) if she checked all metal items at the front desk and then she does something that, I’m sorry, I seriously doubt anybody at a psych ward would do. She lets Waves into the cell with the guy, who is in a straitjacket and curled in a corner facing the wall. Why would staff allow her into this cell UNSUPERVISED with the man who allegedly murdered her family? I’m sorry, but this did not sit well with me. I guess we’ll just have to assume that shit is way fucked up in alt-Purgatory. Anyway, guess who the guy is?

He’s baaaaa-ck for reals!


She introduces herself first as Waverly Gibson then as Waverly Earp and Bobo says, “How could I forget? You’re my angel.” He then says that he “came back” but that it’s “all different. Why is it different?” So he, too, hasn’t been alti-fied. She says that he killed her father and sister and made her an orphan and he says, “no. Your sister killed your father. And then Willa. And then me.” And alt-Waves is all, WHAT? And Bobo is being all creepy Bobo with her and leaning his head against her and she’s totally freaking out because alt-Waves doesn’t know who he is. So he asks her if “she’s dead,” since he came back and she says she doesn’t know who he’s talking about. Bobo looks at her, puzzled, and then he turns away and kind of looks at the light shafts coming in through the windows and squints and says, “oh, yes. It’s a spell. A flimsy one…she’s only shaded…”

Bobo’s got some powerful juju, that he’s able to see Greta’s spell. He tells her that she’s (Wynonna) is missing and Waves gets scared and tries to leave and he Revs his eyes a little and that freaks her out more and she heads for the door and he puts himself in front of it and tells her not to go and asks what she wants to know. She wants to know why, that night on the homestead when Willa and their father died, she wasn’t killed, too. And he says that they knew that no one harms the baby. “My words. My law.” And then he moves away from the door and says, “You’re my angel. Fly, fly away. And make Wynonna missing no more.” He taps the door with his foot, signalling for her to go.

Can I just say here how much I love Michael Eklund’s portrayal of Bobo? I’ve always liked Bobo’s character, as shifty and shitty as he can be. There’s a certain rakish charm to him, and a certain painful depth and now that we have his backstory, I like him even more.

Anyway. Waves leaves and we cut over to Widow Beth trying to do magic at the scene of the burnt church, clearly trying to get Clootie to come out and play but it’s just not working and she’s really getting pissed about it. She can’t get the third seal to break. She gets a sign — two jets of air from the drawings she made on the wood and realizes that it takes two to bring Clootie back. “Boo,” she says, realizing that she’ll have to get Mercedes.

We cut over to Shorty’s basement where alt-Waves is going through some family history things. She calls the Earp curse “bullshit” and finds a pretty white dress and it appears to be her mom’s…? We leave her looking at a photo of a woman who is wearing the dress (and it doesn’t look like Willa…).

Jump to BBD at Nedley Central, where Beth is venomizing the glass cage that holds Mercedes and Doc. The freeze/venom breaks all the glass and Doc scrambles out while Jeremy is freaking out but he manages to shoot at them but the bullet does nothing, getting a “that was adorable” from Beth. Doc gets to the gun safe, opens it, and starts shooting, too, but that’s ineffective. “Just once, can I get some bullets that work?” he says for a much-needed bit of comic relief.

Doc needs some damn bullets that WORK, people.

Beth leaves with Mercedes and Jeremy has his gun trained on Doc, and Doc says that he keeps telling him he’s not going to hit his target with his weight on his back foot. Jeremy is kinda shook and asks him how he knew the combo to the gun safe, since Dolls won’t even give it to him. So Doc tells him that it’s going to sound a little strange, but they’re in an alternative reality and none of what they’re currently doing is true. Jeremy’s all, “like in The Matrix?” Doc’s expression:
Doc tries another tack. He tells Jeremy to tell him how he came to Purgatory and Jeremy can’t remember. “Maybe I was transferred?” he says, grabbing his head and Doc gets all up in his face, “A spell has been spun makin’ enemies of old friends!” “I know who you are, Jeremy. A vegetarian with ethics of steel that still reads Doctor Strange comic books at night because he wants to be a hero.”

Damn, you guys. That gave me feelz, Doc saying that in his emotional way. And then Jeremy seems to realize that Doc is on to something (as opposed to on something) and notes that the explosives he was wearing wouldn’t have gone off because there were no wires. Doc puts his hat ON JEREMY, you guys, and Jeremy goes to get his gun and holster and notes that Dolls is going to kill him and then, his crush on Doc comes out full-force because he asks Doc if, when this is over, they can get a drink. OMG lol.

Doc gives him a look and takes his hat back and leaves and Jeremy is all, “Yeahhhh…timing, Jeremy. Geez.” LOL

Okay we’re now back with alt-Waves looking at herself in the mirror. She’s wearing the dress and the…um…flower headband that goes with it (I am not an expert on headwear like this, friends, so please enlighten me!). It’s her mom’s dress, BTW, because she says to the mirror that she used to hate her (Mama) for leaving, but that she gets it, now, and that this town is too hard. From above, she hears breaking glass and she heads to the stairs to find out what’s going on. She’s got herself a shotgun, people. Let us all appreciate this for a moment (even though she’s pointing it at Doc):

Doc is really glad to see her and she freaks out and tells him not to hurt her, that she’s getting married and he’s all, “I would NEVER!” And then, “You are?” And then, “Lord. Please tell me there’s a party that knows me!” And then Dolls shows up armed and ready to shoot. Doc realizes that Jeremy told him where he is and Dolls tells Waverly to take cover. Then begins a gunfight at Shorty’s, with Dolls shooting at Doc and Doc not shooting back, trying to tell him who he is, telling him he’s a good man, though semi-reptilian,” bringing a WHAAAT from Waves behind the bar and a “how did you know that?” from Dolls. Doc emerges from his cover behind the pool table and says that he doesn’t want to be a dick, but he can outdraw Dolls basically any time, anywhere and Dolls tells him to shoot him and Doc says, “Well, I would prefer not to, but I’m on a tight schedule” AND YOU GUYS DOC ACTUALLY SHOOTS DOLLS! OMG OMG OMG!

Dolls goes down like a ton of bricks, his wound a through-and-through. Holy shit. Doc finally did get some bullets that work. Damn. I wish it wasn’t on Dolls. And Doc is staring at him, like, WTF and rushes over and says, “Dolls, Goddammit, you never leave the shop without your body armor!” Because he realizes that holy shit, he actually shot Dolls in the chest, assuming that he would have his armor on but NO DOLLS DID NOT OMG OMG OMG OMG

And then, you guys.

I can’t. I just can’t.

Dolls shoots Doc right through the gut and it comes out his back. I…


the fuck…


Doc staggers back against the bar and alt-Waves just might be having a moment of clarity because she rushes over to him and she’s horrified and he looks up at her and says that she looks beautiful in that dress. Waverly says it was her mother’s and then Doc tells her to listen to him. He tells her to find the Iron Witch and destroy the trophy and save the child and you save Wynonna and he’s having a hard time breathing and omg I’m practically bawling my eyes out I can’t…I hate you so much right now, alt-Dolls.

And BTW, alt-Dolls, why the hell did you not have your body armor on?

Waverly is crying and she says she doesn’t know who that is — who Wynonna is — and Doc says she’s the only one who can save them all from all of this and he calls Waves “baby girl” and omg I’m crying so hard right now jeeziz christ this show wtf.


Waves whispers, “what did you call me?” and she’s crying and doesn’t even seem to understand why she’s crying because Doc is this horrible criminal but something is bubbling up from her memory banks, so dammit, maybe it’ll help.


She hears a door open and turns to look and Dolls is gone.

The next scene Waves is sitting in Nicole’s patrol car crying and Nicole is offering her tissues and Waves thanks her for coming to get her and Nicole is all worried about her (because of course she is!). And Waverly can’t understand why she is feeling this for Doc, who was insane and a criminal and a big part of the reason that Purgatory went to shit (damn, Doc. It IS a good thing Wynonna was around to keep you in check). And Waves says to Nicole, have you ever met someone and instantly known in your heart that they meant something to you? And Nicole says, “I might kinda get that, yeah…” Then Waves says that Doc told her to find the Iron Witch, and she thinks he meant an actual witch and is that crazy and Nicole says that this town is a haven for crazy and it’s supernatural central and Waves looks at her, surprised, and says, “I’ve never heard anyone say that out loud before. God. God, you’re brave.”

Waves asks if Nicole knows who the Iron Witch might be and Nicole says maybe and then Waves asks if it would be so illegal to get the address and Nicole is all, “yes. SUPER illegal.” But, she adds, if she were to blow off work the rest of the day and they sort of drive past the address…

And Waves says:

Leaving Nicole to say:

OOOOOOPS! LOLOL Your Freudian slip is showing, Nicole! And Waves gives her a look and says, “FOR…FOR me…” And Nicole is all, Yeah! Yeah, that too! omg still laughing even in the midst of this terrible terrible pile of sadz I have right now over Doc and Dolls in this shitty alt-Purgatory.

And then Waves says, “You know, Sheriff Haught…”

Which are her favorite.

Even in this hellacious alt-Purgatory, Waves and Nicole are drawn together, you guys. LURRRRRRV will find a damn way!

I need a moment. Because this episode has left me wrung out and I can’t even believe that Andras killed Doc like that in alt-Purgatory. But then we have WayHaught still drawn together.


Okay, we are now on the outskirts of alt-Purgatory by the sign, where Jeremy finds Dolls. For some reason, Dolls had driven to the edge of town, gotten out of his vehicle, and Jeremy found him lying there. He tells Jeremy to “find the asset” and “complete the mission” and Jeremy is freaking out and then Dolls kind of laughs and says that he killed Doc, he did it, and then he says “But it felt…empty. I think he was my friend.” And then he gasps and he kind of has his dragon eyes for a moment and then he says, “Wynonna,” like he remembered with that last gasp who he was and a single tear courses down his cheek YOU GUYS WHAT THE HOLY FUCK WE NOW WATCH DOLLS DIE AND I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS HORRIBLE WHAT IS HAPPENING I HATE ALT-PURGATORY WITH THE FLAMING HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS and Jeremy screams “NO NO DOLLS” I FUCKING CAN’T

DAMMIT, Andras. WHY are you like this?????


Fuck this episode and the Revenant it rode in on.

Okay. Composure, people. Composure.

We are now at Greta’s house. And for some reason, she’s missing an eye. I hope she gave it to the trophy sack-head for this stupid shitty spell she tried to cast.

And Nicole is already believing that there’s a spell afoot and Greta is all, “I don’t get it, either. Look at me. My life is shit. And Mattie’s still dead.” Waverly asks about it and Nicole says she was killed by some freak who called himself the Jack of Knives (uh-huh…look how not having Wynonna around changed Mattie’s death). Greta says she just wanted to “change the past” and to change the timeline, but wishes are literal, she says, She wished for Waverly’s sister gone, and the wish erased her entirely.

Waves says, “Wynonna?” And Greta looks at her and asks if she remembers and Waves says no, but people have been saying her name all day. Greta notes that it’s probably people touched by the demonic and Waves says, “and Doc Holliday.” Greta says, “Your friend?” and noted that he grabbed the trophy the exact moment she made the wish, which kept him immune from it and helped him retain his memories. Greta tells Waves that this spell is only cheap glamor, and that the demon in the trophy is in way over his grain-sack head.” Waves says, “the Marzaniok?” And then she kinda wigs: “Wait. How did I know that?” Nicole gets all protective when Greta grabs Waves…FEELZ. Greta tries to keep them from leaving, and says she’s been working on a reversal spell, and it’s not much, but she can lift the glamor for several seconds, which will allow Waverly to see who she really is.

The spell at work. See Nicole there in her hospital gown?

Waves then realizes that it’s all her fault, because she gave Greta the trophy with the demon and Greta points out — AS I DID LAST WEEK, PEOPLE! — that she tricked Waves into doing it. Waves says she betrayed Wynonna because she loves Nicole (but actually, she didn’t betray Wynonna because she didn’t realize that Greta’s stupid-ass spell would send her after Doc’s ring)! And Nicole’s face in this lifted glamor, you guys. OMG. Wynonna-reality fades and Waves is all, WAIT it’s gone! But Greta points out that the memory of the memory remains. Waves says that this was why Doc was looking for the trophy and she asks if the demon can be destroyed. Greta says enough fire should handle anything, but the trophy was stolen years ago and it’s now at Revenant ground zero — i.e., the Earpstead. Nicole says nobody can get through that, it’s impenetrable and Waves notes that “Daddy always said that,” but somebody did get through, demonstrating that the spell isn’t hanging on her as hard as maybe it was.

So the next scene has Waves back in Bobo’s cell (again, alone and unsupervised…) and she tells him she wants to get onto the Earp homestead, which Bobo is clearly behind. But he points out she’s too young to be the heir and her lineage “isn’t exactly pure…” CLUE, you guys! Not sure as to what, yet, but keep that in mind. And then Waves grabs him and tells him to concentrate. I love when Waves gets bossy, especially with people like Bobo.

She says the Earpstead is crawling with Revenants and Bobo realizes that the talisman was never dug up. Remember? From S1? Digging it up reactivates the protective stone around the house. He asks Wave to untie him. She does and they leave the cell and Bobo snaps his straitjacket straps at the guards and then demands that one of them give him his boots and that a woman visitor give him her fur coat. And then he blows the doors off the place and they go to Nicole’s car. OMG this is cray, y’all! Bobo and Waves AND Nicole as a team!

Back with Jeremy somewhere in alt-Purgatory, Rosita shows up and puts a gun to his head and asks if he’s lost. He asks if she’s the asset. She tells him to call her Rosie and says that Dolls didn’t make the rendezvous, and does this mean that…yes, Jeremy says, affirming that Dolls is dead, that Doc shot him but that Doc is dead, too. Good, Rosie says. Jeremy tells Rosie that he thinks BBD has been lying to them. He says that Holliday KNEW things and Rosie scoffs but then Jeremy asks her how she ended up working for BBD, how she ended up embedded in Doc’s gang, and hell, what she ate for breakfast and she tries, but can’t and he immediately thinks it’s mind-altering drugs in the water supply.

Never change, Jeremy. Never change.

Rosie is all, “like the drugs I was cooking at the Homestead?” and Jeremy says yeah, that’s probably where they’re projecting their simulation from. Rosie asks Jeremy if he can wire RDX and of course he can, so off they go to wire some explosives.

Now we’re with the Widows at the wreckage of the church, trying to get Clootie to come out and play, but it’s still not working. Mercedes is having a hard time physically. She collapses and Beth yells at her to get up, that the spell that made the heir disappear has holes in it and they’re running out of time. Mercedes throws the rings again but no deal. She decides that Clootie is not there, at that site, that someone moved him. Beth says they’ve been betrayed and Mercedes smacks her and says it runs in the family. Beth tells her to STFU and that she’s weak and failing. Where is our husband, Beth asks and Mercedes says that the rings will know who can tell them that.

Cut over to Bobo at a tiny little cemetery where Nicole and Waves are digging, right outside the Earpstead. They’re looking for the talisman. Bobo says, “Wait. If I bring the sister, the heir, back into existence, that would be tap tap tap, a nail in my coffin.” Nicole says…

Bobo appreciates it and says, “she’s funny. You should keep her.” Yes, Bobo. She should. Waves asks him to please help and he says that was before — and then he’s in obvious pain about something and tells her to dig under the hamster. You guys, that is something that can be said in Wynonna Earp without anybody looking like, WUT or thinking you’re crazy. The hamster’s name was Pikachu, in case you’re wondering. Bobo says that the talisman is neutralizing the ground, and if you remove it, the ammolite will be reactivated. You know. The stone that keeps Revenants away.

Then we hear a ghostly “Robert! Oh, Robert!” and we see the widows approaching, gliding over the snow. Creepy af, people. Bobo tells Nicole and Waves to dig faster and Bobo runs toward the Earpstead where we hear Stevie say, “Bobo del frickin’ Rey?” And this starts problems in the Revenant ranks because some are loyal to alt-Doc while others are loyal to Bobo. Waves is still digging, but the ground is frozen and a Revenant strides toward them yelling, “what the hell are you bitches doing?” And Nicole ain’t having any of that and she lays that dude out.

She tells Waves they have to go but Waves says they’re going to the barn, that she’s not leaving without the trophy and Nicole is clearly not into this, but she will go to protect Waves, and dammit, she does.

Aaaand this is pretty much where we came in.

Nicole shooting her way with Waves to the Earpstead barn, but when they go in, they find Jeremy and Rosita, who tells them to stop shooting because of explosives. Jeremy says they think BBD has gone rogue and Waves says they need to find a hockey trophy. Waves’ phone rings and the camera pans around and we see that Rosita and Jeremy have rigged the entire barn with explosives. DAMN.

Waves answers the phone and it’s Perry. Raspberry cream sounds great, she says, while outside we hear gunshots and Revenants yelling. lol Then she says,

And then


Meanwhile, outside the barn in the Revenant chaos, Bobo sees a widow headed right for him and he tries to avoid her. Then Mercedes and Beth both end up in the middle of the cray, Beth shooting her venom out her mouth. She’s clearly at full strength (unlike Mercedes), as she lifts Bobo up by his throat. Our intrepid gang in the barn is watching and Jeremy calls them the Widows then wonders how he knew that’s what they were. Then Rosie says she’s not waiting around to find out about the Widows. She tells Waves there’s a trophy behind the wheelbarrow then goes out into the fray and…shit, you guys. I think we lost Rosie, too.


They’re now totally trapped in the barn and Waves realizes that dying may be their only chance at setting things right, because they have to basically blow up the trophy, but that means blowing themselves up, too, since they’re right there with the trophy.


“Who’s in?” Waves asks, holding the detonator. Jeremy is all, NO but Nicole looks at Waves and says, “Where you go, I go.” Shit isn’t that from the Book of Ruth, you guys? I CAN’T AAAAAAHHHHH!

And Waves does this:

And then Jeremy comes over, they put all their hands on the detonator, and you guys…

Have I told you how much I hate alt-Purgatory? Because I do.

The whole freaking barn goes up in a blast of monumental proportions. Along with our team, you guys. Yep. That’s right.


THEY’RE BACK! Blowing up the trophy WORKED! They all realize they’re back to themselves! Nicole: “I am so, so sorry times infinity.” Waves kisses her to make her stop talking. Good trick.

Now we’re back outside with the Widows and Bobo and they’re looking to torture him and Bobo realizes that the spell has been broken, but that he’s still topside. Puzzling. And then he tells the Widows in all the years he was looking for the bones of the Stone Witch’s sons, he found Clootie’s coffin. Bobo says he cannot and will not go back to Hell, and ol’ Clootie has the power to make sure he never does again. Mercedes says they can’t make promises on Clootie’s behalf, but Beth says they’re good at convincing. Then she asks how they can trust him after everything he’s done and Bobo reaches out and compels Beth to give him Doc’s ring.

I’m tellin’ you, friends. Bobo has some strong mojo. He clasps the ring and THIS happens.


The seal, my friends, IS BROKEN.

And the three of them go off to…I guess to find Clootie?

Next scene…

WYNONNA!!!!!!!!!!! THANK GAWD!!!!!!!!

She looks around and sees Bobo and the Widows. She goes to where they just were and finds Doc’s ring all busted up and she realizes there is serious fuckery afoot, that the seal is broken. Then there’s a really scary demonic roaring and then Wynonna gets a pang — oh, shit! The baby’s coming! And the last thing we see is some dude’s eyes opening up…I’m guessing this is Clootie, in his coffin.

Well, THAT’S not good.

And that’s where things end in this episode, which overall was a giant ride through alt-Purgatory and I am not at all a fan of it, as I’m sure you’ve deduced. However, it is really interesting, is it not, to see the effects that one person can have on a community and group of people? Just ONE person? Like “It’s a Wonderful Life,” we got to see how Wynonna influenced Doc, Dolls, and Waverly, even with her dysfunctional self. She brings out the best in all of them, and it’s too bad she wasn’t able to see this, as the Jimmy Stewart character saw, but it’ll be interesting to see how this plays out, if that’s something the writing staff is going to delve into — Wynonna getting a sense of how much influence she’s had, and for the greater good by making individuals want to be better. Love that idea.

So I’m sure you’ve gathered that I am not a fan of this episode. Having said that, it did serve as a bridge episode that allowed the third seal to be broken, bringing Clootie back, which is what we’ve been building toward throughout this season. And without Wynonna in the picture to put a stop to it all, the Widows and Bobo were able to accomplish this task and we see that Bobo is casting his lot with them, to get Clootie to keep him out of hell.

I’m also still of the opinion that Waverly did not actually betray Wynonna where Doc’s ring was concerned. She made a deal with Greta thinking that this would enable her to save Nicole without using Doc’s ring, but Greta’s spell directed Waves to Doc’s ring, which means that yes, Waverly did end up betraying Wynonna, though that was not her intent.

Also, what does this mean in terms of Doc, now that he no longer has the ring? Is he going to start basically dying of TB? Whoa. Speaking of, we still don’t know if Doc and Dolls are okay; I’m going to assume so, since Waves, Nicole, and Jeremy are.

I doubt any of this will be resolved in the next episode, which is the season’s end. Instead, we’re going to be left with a bunch of questions, as in the end of S1. But that’s why we love this show and why we keep coming back, amirite?

‘Til next time!

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