Things writers should NOT do

Hey, folks–

You may have heard this one before, but here it is again. This link has been making the rounds through the writing/reading community as an example of how authors should NOT respond to reviews.

Yeah. Um…I’m embarrassed for this author, who ends up coming across as, unfortunately, unprofessional and unable to deal with critique, whether constructive or not. The author then made it a lot worse and responded in the comments section (more than once), with more of the same behavior. Yikes! The author even told someone to “f*** off.” Holy career enders, Batman!

Give me more! Yes, more! Click on…

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Love them Smart Bitches n’ Trashy Books

I’m totally going to pimp one of the funniest freakin’ blogs I’ve come across. That’s Smart Bitches and Trashy Books, where the object of the game is to review and discuss romance novels, publishing, generalized awesome topics, snark at dickheads, and just flat out make me glad I’m not on their bad side. I was practically holding my sides at this review of a particular book that was so overburdened by metaphors and similes that the reviewer could not even finish the book.

Behold:

The opening paragraph stopped me cold. Mostly because it is two sentences long, but oh, what sentences they are. Here is where I resolve never to use another metaphor or simile again, because clearly I don’t know what the hell I am doing.

Honey would sometimes think of Dusty, and it was like she twisted a dial and opened a steel door to a safe in her heart where she kept her grandest jewels—bittersweet memories, surrounded by a poignant moat. Some were vivid as fallen red bougainvillea petals, while others drifted by aimlessly, as vague and faded as old photographs in a dark flooded cellar.

I feel like I’m watching one of those informercials about educational programs guaranteed to improve your memory. Safe! Jewels! Poignant moat! Petals! Photographs! Flooded cellar! French drains! Homeowner’s Insurance! Flood Policy!

The awesome-ness continues from there. Check it out. And FOR SURE check out their “Greatest Hits.” It will leave you achy with TEH LAUGH.

Random Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tips

Okay, folks. Last tip was basically “get the hell out of urban areas ASAP.” Let’s talk about the nuances of that, shall we?

Yes, you want to get out ASAP because the more time you stay in the city, the more zombies that develop. So get out ASAP. Let’s talk about what that entails. Start thinking about it now, friends, so you can 1) have fun stuff to talk about at cocktail parties and 2) you really are prepared.

Flee! Flee to the “more” button right now!

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Random Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tip

Scenario–oh, no! You’re in a zombie apocalypse! First things first, GET OUT OF THE CITY ASAP. And in other random zombie apocalypse survival tips, I’ll discuss how to go about doing that.

I know this one seems obvious, but I’ve discovered in casual conversations with people who perhaps are not zombie apocalypse aficionados like myself that perhaps it’s not all that obvious. So here it is:

AVOID FORMERLY HEAVILY POPULATED AREAS, so if you’re in a city when there’s an outbreak, your first order of business is to get armed and get out.

But for now, let’s just focus on why you need to bail from a city.

Think about it. If you’ve been watching Walking Dead, you know our hero went to Atlanta in search of help/his family. Well, Atlanta was a heavily populated area, and sure enough, it stayed heavily populated in the apocalypse: with zombies. Oh, and with other non-zombies who maybe aren’t taking this apocalypse thing so well. You need to avoid them, as well.

Assuming you’re not in a city and you’re avoiding them, your best bet, to get more food and supplies, is rural areas with smaller former populations. If you must venture close to a city, stick to the outskirts (strip malls might be good for something, after all). Avoid structures with lots of windows. Zombies can see you, and they have this tendency to crash through said windows. Big warehouse stores are better bets for supplies (CostCo or Sam’s, e.g.) than stores with big windows.

And if you have an extreme apocalypse in general streak, check out Rudy Reyes, Apocalypse Man.

Next random tip: how to get out of a city in a zombie outbreak. Because if you’re already in a populated area, well, obviously, you can’t really avoid it. But you can go Boy Scout and Always Be Prepared! Just don’t help old ladies across the street. They might be zombies.