Zombie Saturday

Hey, kids–whew. Okay, so here’s my tip today. Seriously.

STAY IN SHAPE and STAY HEALTHY.

Because in a zombie apocalypse, there will be no doctors’ offices, no hospitals, no pharmacies that are operating. You need to be able to outrun zombies and other survivors, you need to be able to climb and jump, and hide.

You also need to learn how to take care of minor and possibly major medical problems with materials at hand. And your chances of finding a doctor to help you do that are pretty slim. That’s a grim outlook. So get your cardio in order, start eating right, and learn some first aid. As cool as the video games make it seem — that zombie killin’ stuff — the fact is that every time you put yourself in a risky situation, you’re in danger of an injury and in this post-apocalyptic world, a minor scratch can lead to major infections. And if you sustain a major injury because you thought it would be fun to crawl around rubble and fight zombies, well, I hate to tell you this, but you’re probably toast and you have no one really to blame but yourself.

All right!

Stay safe!

Chill Gear for the Zombie Apocalypse

Hi, folks–

Hope this weekend is treating you oh, so groovy. I thought even those of us dealing with the ZA might need a little break. So in case you’re needing a respite from the hard work of avoiding zombies and survivors once all hell breaks out, I found this delightful wine that might be able to help you unwind, as you’re hunkered for the evening in your darkened, cramped, stuffy attic (remember, no lights at night).


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Is it good? Probably not. But ask yourself this. You’ve been running, dodging, hiding, living on the edge of hell for a few months. You haven’t had a decent shower in months, or a meal that didn’t come out of a can or an MRE package. You probably have bruises, scratches, scrapes, and some creepy itch from running around in the woods. Are you REALLY going to care what this wine tastes like?

I thought not. So get yourself a bottle for the ZA and take a few minutes of chill.

Happy surviving!

No Rapture, but how about a Zombie Apocalypse tip?

Hi, kids–

Well, I suspect you’re still here. News reports are saying NOTHING IS HAPPENING cataclysmically. No word, either, from the predictor of said Rapture, Mr. Harold Camping. Family Radio is playing nothing but devotional music and hymns, unrelated to the Rapture.

This is why stuff like this makes me think of cults. Seriously? A guy in New York blew $140,000 of his personal savings to put up ads and billboards and posters. [shaking head]

Anyway, this is just a funsies post about the ZA (which of course is WAY MORE REAL than the Rapture [I’m laughing]), but there are also good tips for basic disaster preparedness.

The CDC got into the “preparing for a zombie apocalypse” thing with this post, because they realized that whenever somebody mentioned Zombies in a Twitter feed or Facebook or something comparable, traffic went up. Zombies are popular, so the CDC used ’em to get us thinking about disaster preparedness.

Here are some tips from the CDC release, FYI:
Water (1 gallon per person per day)
Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

So, no Rapture, but it was cool that the CDC got into the zombie fun.

Happy Rapture Day!

OMG! More zombie apocalypse survival tips!

Hi, folks!

Happy Saturday!

Okay, so today’s ZA survival tip has to do with camping. Remember, I mentioned that a couple of weeks ago? We’d talk about camping (if you have to) during a ZA. I recommended then that you not travel at night and one of the primary reasons for this is that you can’t see very well in the dark and if you use a flashlight or any kind of light, you’re going to attract zombies. And just as bad, in some cases, other survivors.

That means you need to travel during the day, and you need to think about where you are at all times. We’ve already discussed getting out of urban areas (simple formula: the more people –> more zombies), and I recommended that you stay mobile. So you need to travel light, with some basic supplies. Other stuff you can grab along the way. No living crowds, anymore, at stores, after all.

I’m personally of the opinion that going north (if you’re in the US) is a really good idea. Why? Well, think about it. Huge swaths of Canada weren’t that populated prior to a ZA, which means fewer zombies. Also, I subscribe to the Max Brooks theory, in that cold weather slows zombies down. If you read his World War Z, there are survivors there who go north and make it a habit to go out with the spring thaw and start dispatching zombies that were frozen during the winter. So yes, winter and cold weather can totally suck and it’s dangerous for the living, but I think that it can provide a good chance for you to survive and perhaps even hunker down a bit, to give yourself a rest.


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ZOMG! There’s more!

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Zombie-licious tidbit: housing!

Hi, kids! Happy Saturday! So my ever-alert sibling sent me the most awesome link yesterday. It’s the zombie-proof house. OMG.

Here is the link, from All That Is Interesting. (shout-out to ATII!)

And here are a couple of photos, to give you a sense of it all:

When it’s locked down:

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Not very appealing, is it? I mean, in terms of zombie-proof-ness, that’s pretty decent. But wouldn’t you love to have a fab living space, too? Well, ta-da!


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There’s also a drawbridge between building one and building two (building two houses a swimming pool).

I did a little research, and thanks to ATII, the designers of this “safe house” (probably not intended, necessarily, to fend off zombies but rather warfare or some such) are the firm KWK Promes. This house is located outside Warsaw, Poland. Here’s another link that gives you a ton of info about the house, along with more photos, thumbnail photos, and the plans of the house.

Seriously awes-matic, friends. The house is like a plant. It opens up in the morning and closes up at dusk. CRAZY! I couldn’t find a price for this pup, but at 6100 square feet with all those amenities and fortifications? I’m sure we’re talking serious moolah.

The only drawback to a place like this in a zombie apocalypse is if you don’t have access to food/supply lines. Because sure, the zombies will be gathered outside your giant concrete wall, but who cares? You can pick ’em off at your leisure, I guess (there’s a disgusting, macabre image for you) while your kids are frolicking in the yard or the spouse is taking a few laps in the pool. But again, if you don’t have access to supply lines and no way to get to ’em, the house proves to be a prison as well as a castle.

However, I find myself strangely drawn to this thing. Seriously decorative protection.

There you go! Happy surviving and happy weekend!

Yes! Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tip!

Hi, all–

Coming at you a little late today and had all kinds of craziness going on yesterday; hope your weekend is going well!

So today’s tip is this: in event of a full-blown zombie apocalypse, let’s say you got out of the city okay and you’re on the move. Excellent! Go, you! But…

don’t travel at night.

Unless you absolutely have to, just don’t do it. Why? Well, because it’s dark, and you don’t see so well in the dark because you’re not a four-legged mammal. And if you decide to turn on your flashlight, you draw zombies and other survivors to you. You also need to conserve batteries in your portable light sources for emergencies, and it’s really hard to fight zombies with one hand when you’re holding a flashlight in the other (and no, I don’t suggest doing that).

So if you’re out in the dark and you decide to use a flashlight, you might as well paint a target on your nekkid butt.

And in later zombie apocalypse survival tips, we’ll talk about how to camp at night.

Happy surviving!

Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tip

Hey, folks–

Okay, so I’m still kind of thinking about Resident Evil: Extinction. Last week I noted that one lesson the film gave us was KEEP MOVING.

This week, I’ll pass along another tip that the movie provided; one that I’ve hinted at in the past:

BE WARY OF OTHER SURVIVORS.

Here’s the thing — and not to get too cynical about my species, but still — in a disaster situation, whether it’s natural, human-caused, or a zombie apocalypse, other survivors are not your friends. There’s something funky that happens when all veneer of “civilization” falls away. As a species, we become just other mammals. That is, we become territorial, suspicious, and pretty much focused on ourselves because we’re trying to survive. However, where we differ from other species is our capacity for nastiness. When there are no rules, humans are even bigger rat-bastards to each other than when there ARE rules.

Here, from Resident Evil: Extinction to demonstrate just what I mean. This is the scene where Alice stops at a structure (an old radio station, it looks like) to see if there really are other survivors. She’s been getting a radio broadcast, after all, from someone who “needs help.” But these survivors…well, here. Watch:


linkage, in case embedding doesn’t work anymore.

See what I mean? As an aside, in terms of the entire move, this scene really didn’t serve much purpose except to demonstrate Alice’s ass-kicking abilities and the possible danger of survivors. So it’s useful in that regard.

So if you’re on your own or even with a group of survivors who know you, BEWARE OF OTHER SURVIVORS. They can be far more dangerous than zombies, because they have that nasty human characteristic of sheer cruelty and possible sadism. Bad times can bring out the worst in people. Zombies are predictable. Survivors aren’t.

All rightie! That’s your zombie apocalypse survival tip for today. Happy weekend!

Yet another zombie apocalypse tip!

Whew! Just put my zombie-free lasagna in the oven and I’m ready to provide what I hope is another useful tip for you and yours should the ZA (Zombie Apocalypse) occur on our watch.

So I watched the third installment of Resident Evil with our hot-ass zombie killer, “Alice” (Milla Jovovich). That one was called Extinction. Not my fave of the series, but what I like about it overall is that Jovovich’s character kicks serious ass, whether it’s zombie or non-zombie.

More? Click on!

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Random Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tip

Hey, kids — Saturday, and you know what that probably means…

Your handy dandy tip that’ll hopefully help you survive in event of a zombie apocalypse or, honestly, in any other kind of catastrophic freak-out.

I’ve provided some ideas on how to get out of urban areas as well as the pros and cons of guns (see here and here).

Today’s tip is about your ZAS kit. Y’know, it’s always a good idea to keep some items at the ready for any kind of scariness, whether it’s an evacuation because of a natural event or a mass panic flee-fest in event of an unnatural event (i.e. zombies). And once you have your kit, it’s a good idea to check on it every couple of months to make sure the stuff is still good/hasn’t expired (like any meds you put in there).

YES! Prepare me!

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Random Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tip

Hey, kids! Yep, it’s time for another ZAS tip. You can find last week’s here. That one’s about getting your happy butt out of urban areas. Remember, the more people in an area, the more potential zombies. So it stands to reason, right, that you want to get away from these areas.

Today’s tip: Pros and cons of guns in a zombie apocalypse.


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Go see!

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